I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
