Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
