Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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