Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
