I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up under a house in Key West
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
