well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
