It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
