He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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