Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
