oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
