Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
