Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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