Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
