That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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