you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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