I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
