im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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