mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
