I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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