You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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