he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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