How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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