Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
