I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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