I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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