I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
