Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
