Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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