your parents love me but you hate me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
