I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
