as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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