she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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