she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
