NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
