my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
