I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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