White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
