Ambien. No doubt about it.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
