My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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