both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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