Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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