my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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