so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Enjoy the penises
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
