remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
