you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
