Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
