Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
