I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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