Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
