Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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