i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
